An army general recently went public with his opinion that homosexuality is immoral. The firestorm of controversy shows just how far forward we have come on the issue of gay rights and just how fuzzy is our sense of morality.

I for one do not consider homosexuality immoral.  Nor do I consider drug use, alcohol use, gluttony, premarital sex, divorce, gambling, or pornography immoral. As long as an act is consentual and nobody is hurt, it's hard to convince me that that act is immoral.  Now I'm not exactly a non judgmental-anything goes kind of girl.  There are certain behaviors I would label immoral if that was my wont.  I don't approve of sweatshops, slave labor, or environmental indifference.  Credit usury, violence against the powerless, racism, stock fraud, and market manipulation are all intolerable behaviors.  

Deeming something immoral is harsh and judgmental.  Someone may judge me immoral for taking the birth control pill.  When I was a girl someone told me that using a tampon was immoral.  Am I immoral for wearing a short skirt and a tight blouse?  In some people's eyes I commit five immoral acts before lunch.  If we don't like a behavior, if it makes us uncomfortable, if we want to control that behavior, we deem it immoral.

I understand that the General may feel uncomfortable around gays.  He may wish for a gay-free society where his homophobia won't be tested.  But to brand a behavior  immoral because it makes him feel bad?  Or because it makes the leaders of his church feel bad?  A cynic might opine that the General's prejudice against certain private behavior and his wish to denigrate and shame an entire class of people is immoral.

I am not that cynic.  I will not castigate another for being immoral.  Certain behavior may be injurious, counter productive, greedy, or selfish, but that's what it is, not immoral.  The term "immoral" casts too broad a net, sweeping up too many disparate behaviors under too general a proscription.  Polluters are selfish and thoughtless and their behavior should be restrained.  But not by labeling them immoral.  For "immoral" is fuzzy.  Is it immoral to drive a Hummer?  To leave lights on or water running?  To dump mercury into a lake?  It's tempting, but I still won't call any of these activities immoral. 

I prefer to change behavior through education and law, not guilt and hate.  For us to label the other immoral closes any possibility of dialogue, sets up an "us vs. them" paradigm, and leaves proscription and punishment as the only recourse.  To use the label "immoral" harms the user as much as it harms the target.  That person's world, beset by immorality, has just become smaller and his universe of options reduced.  God grant me to the wisdom never to use the idea of "immorality" as a weapon.    

I'm back home from visiting the University of Michigan with daughter Mara. I thought I was comfortable with gigantic schools, having gone to the University of Illinois, but I was overwhelmed by Michigan. The campus sprawls over miles and miles, housing is far away from classes, and even the buildings are enormous.

After Mara's audition we wandered downtown Ann Arbor and the old campus. We visited at least three great used book stores and one record store. The ancient Nickles Arcade was amazing--a mini GUM store. We stopped at the cute clothing shops where the clothes and attitude are young. Mara found an outfit for herself and she got me to try on a really really short pleated skirt with really really tight layered tops. I was already wearing heels to complete the look. My Speedo shows less leg than that skirt and the swim suit is looser than those tops I tried on. I can see why the girls like the look. The outfit felt really sexy, and it was fun to see myself in the mirror, but no way could I imagine walking out the door wearing that--the look is way too twenty-year-old for me.

After playing dress-up, we went to a lecture at the Musicology department on Monteverdi's L'Orfeo. This is the opera that premiered in February 1607 and is credited with giving birth to the genre. Happy 400th birthday opera! The lecture was given by a distinguished professor from Stanford and lasted about an hour. I managed to stay with most of it, but it seems that whenever I encounter the word "hermeneutics" in a lecture I just shut down. So I missed 10 minutes in the middle of the lecture thinking about how great that cute mini skirt felt, and how much fun it is to walk in a short skirt and high heels, and how great it would be to be 20 again, and at college surrounded by cute boys, and....then I came to and the professor was still talking about Monteverdi and Gonzaga and who knows what.

I admit I'm living vicariously through my daughter. I've enjoyed these college visits even more than her. Usually, I'm the one who wants to stay longer to attend a lecture or hear a concert. I'm the one who reads the handbills on every kiosk and laments that we won't be on campus the next week to see William Bolcom in recital. And like a twenty year old wannabee I do way too much boy watching for my own good. Lots of cute grad students at Michigan.

We're in the waiting stage now. Mara should start hearing from the schools in the nest three weeks. I hope she gets accepted at a school that I like. My vicarious life is just beginning.

It's a spring day, sunshiny in a pre-daylight saving time sort of way. Mara chose to go to school for a half day instead of taking the whole day off to go to Michigan, giving me an unexpected gift of four hours. My wise use of this time has included drinking coffee, doing laundry, and planning our overnight to Michigan. Big news--there's a musicology lecture on Monteverdi's L'Orfeo and modernism on Friday afternoon. We'll be there!

As if I don't already have too much to do I've committed to give a sermon at a church in a neighboring suburb in May. That's plenty of time to research and write the thing, but first I need a topic. They told me that I could re-give one of my older sermons, but where's the fun in that? I like something timely, and if I'm interested, they'll be interested.

One idea I've been playing with for the last few months would be titled, "Fathoming the Unfathomable," living in an unexplainable universe without relying on the idea of god.  Notions like infinity, purpose, morality and death are difficult to deal with even when an all powerful creator is part of the equation.  Subtract God and what are we left with?   Possible sources include  James'  "Varieties of Religious Experience"  and Freud's "Future of an Illusion."

My second idea came to me while playing piano.  I realized that I play best when I can reach  a state where I am conscious and unconscious at the same time.  If I overthink the piece I lose ease and grace.  If I give in to the moment and lose myself in the piece, I lose track of where I am in the music and the overall purpose and structure of the music.  It seems there is a life lesson here; there's something spiritual in the sense of losing oneself in a task or in a moment.   Possible sources include Pirsig's "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance,"  "Flow,"  and biographies of great musicians.

I'm just in the reading and pondering stage now, but within the next couple weeks I'll have to commit to a topic.  Whatever the sermon, I can't wait to post the finished product.

It seems like forever since I've blogged. How I miss it. I haven't been lazy, just crazy busy.

I have just spent the last four nights taking daughter Ashley to the performing arts high school in Interlochen Michigan for her audition. She hopes to leave the nest next year and go away to a boarding school. With Mara auditioning at colleges and with the iffy nature of these auditions any number of things could happen next year. It's possible that both girls could be away at school, or just Ashley could be away, or just Mara could be away, or both girls could be at home next year. Our family is in a state of absolute uncertainty right now. We'll have answers (acceptances or rejections or both) by the middle of April.

On Thursday Mara and I head off for her final audition--at the University of Michigan. Both of us can't wait until her auditions are over, but all this travel has given us some phenomenal mother-daughter bonding. After the third trip I was moaning about why Mara's father couldn't take on some of the trips.  Now I know that I wouldn't have it any other way.  Mara's father is a tightly wound type A person and he would have Mara even more anxious.  I loved my time with my daughter.  Our arrangement turned out to be the best for everyone.

I'm still adjusting to the fact that my nest may be empty next year.  I'll miss the music, laughter, bickering, and joy that my girls serve up every day.  Right now Ashley's playing the piano in the next room.  Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata," it's lovely.  Live in the moment, Carol, let the future take care of itself.