Tomorrow we get on the plane to Norfolk , Virginia,then its off to the outer banks for a week on the beach. So what did we do yesterday to get ready for the trip? Mike and I had a fight of course.

Anytime tensions run high, whether it's because Mike is working a lot this week or because we need to get packed and ready to leave tonight, we fight. And this was no exception. I had just put in the third load of laundry after running two hours of errands and cleaning the bathroom, when Mike came home from work. Over the fried catfish that he bought at a local soul food restaurant he told me that a female co-worker had asked him to have a drink tomorrow after work. She suggested they start at three so that they could have more time together. He told me he couldn't start at three, but he only told her it was unlikely and left open the possibility of a drink at four.

Mike knows I don't like him going for drinks with this woman. He assures me that she isn't coming on to him, but she tells him some pretty sexually explicit stuff in their monthly get-togethers. And then he tells me! The big dope! He says he doesn't want to have any secrets, but I don't want to know. So I lost my temper yesterday because of two things; going out with this girl and his even considering going for drinks, thus making himself worthless, when we needed to pack and get to the airport. Men!

So of course I got angry at him and let him know it. And he got mad at me for getting angry at him and he let me know it. "You're always mad at me, why can't we just be happy?" Is his defense de jure. And It's a good one. I immediately feel guilty for getting angry. And of course since nothing is ever his fault I must be wrong or crazy or just a bitch for being constantly angry. And then he throws in that I'm having my period. Angry, I'll show you angry!

If you can't tell, I'm still angry.  And it's not because of my period.  It 's one thing to fight over something, but when the fight becomes whether one's feelings are appropriate, that's dangerous terrain. I guess if he lets me be angry and If I have the right to be angry, then he'll feel like he did something wrong. What nonsense! I can be angry and wrong. Just let me be angry. Don't get mad at me for my mood because that will sour my mood even more. Get mad me for my stupid position. Unless my position about his drinking with this girl isn't so stupid after all.

Today the Christmas Tree comes down.  Goodby reindeer, goodby bird ornaments, goodby space ships and candy canes.  See 'ya next year.

The only thing better than putting up the Christmas Tree with its oh so tangible memories is taking it down.  By New Year's the thing has clearly outlived its usefulness, whatever that was.  The tree being a repository of memories, it seems odd to have it up on the most foreward looking holiday of all--New Years.  But then again, New Years is a pretty bittersweet holiday, looking whistfully back on the year past and all the mistakes and accomplishments that those twelve months brought us.

I prefer the foreward-looking part of the New Year, the tabula rasa, clean slate, glass half full (oops, wrong metaphor) part.  "Auld Lang Sine" is not my favorite tune.  How about making, "Don't Stop Looking at Tomorrow," by Fleetwood Mac the new New Years song?  Because I, by my lonesome, and despite the protestations of my dear husband, am starting a new tradition this year.  Get out of town for New Years!

I have pulled the plug on the annual party hosted by moi on New Years.  The party became less and less fun as my girlfriend's drunken husband took greater and greater liberties with me and my breasts during our traditional New Year's kiss.  I'm fed up with him and my girlfriend who would look the other way and the need to keep this a secret from my jealous husband and I figured my family and I would be safer and happier in a beach house in North Carolina.

So that's where we'll be starting Saturday.  On the beach in Corolla, North Carolina, with nobody else around.  I'll be relaxing, reading, hot tubbing, and walking the beach for seven whole days.  Oldest daughter Mara will bring her violin and practice eight undistracted hours a day for her college auditions, the first of which is on January 19.  Daughter Ashley will have a friend from Virginia join her for a few days (Ashley plans to bring her cello).  Mike has rented a four wheel drive SUV and he plans to go driving on the 12 miles of beach just north of our house.

Planning and looking foreward to this trip has helped me stay sane throughout the holidays.  It helped me focus on my needs while I was taking care of the needs of everyone around me.  Now it's almost payoff time.  I can hear the waves, I can taste the salt air, and I'll pay special attention to my hot tub ornament when I strip the tree.      

   

Christmas is over and I just had the grandaddy of relief of anxiety dreams. In the dream, my daughters and I were in Portland, Oregon when for some unknown reason all of civil society all over the country went into chaos. There was rioting and looting and no law and order anywhere in the United States. It was a scary situation and I learned that we had to walk from Portland to New York City to deliver important papers and three vials of a mysterious liquid.

Shortly after setting off on foot we reached the mountains (we must have walked realy fast) where we were chased by a gang of men intent on stealing the papers and vials that I was now carrying in my purse. We took shelter in a hotel room with other refugees. They all told us that nothing was working in their cities, no transportation, no police, no stores were open. I telephoned my parents in Chicago who told me that the Chicago Symphony and the Los Angeles Philharmonic had to cancel all the rest of their seasons and that I would get a refund for my tickets.

By now I was down to one vial and I had considerably fewer papers than before. We set back on our trek to Manhattan and we made it as far as New Jersey. There we were taken prisoner by a gang who had instructions to deliver us to their leader. He wanted whatever it was in that vial! We were led underground into the leader's lair where, In a James Bond-like scene, I discussed with the leader the chaos in the country. When I asked him what caused the chaos he told me it was an announcement that there was chaos everywhere. There was no emergency! There was no problem! There was only the people's belief that there was chaos which caused the chaos. Immediately, everything started to return to normal. And of course I, being James Bond, ended up in bed with my hot blond "Bond guy." (...........Just kidding about that part :-(................................)

The most amazing part of the dream was that I was scared and anxious throughout, until the last seconds of the dream. Things were falling apart around me, I was constantly being stalked, refugees were everywhere, but I had the presence of mind to take care of my girls and to get to where I had to go and to deliver the goods. The moral of the story.....keep it together and you can survive anything....even Christmas!